I returned home from my two weeks in London on the 8th of October. It is now the 19th of October and I basically haven’t left my house since I returned.
I live in a rural village in South East Ireland. I don’t have many friends here, zero is a more accurate explanation. Suffering from social anxiety - as I do means it’s very difficult to start conversations. The people I met in London, I knew from Twitter so they’d come up to me and shake hands or maybe, on a lucky night, I’d get a cuddle. There was no awkwardness like there would be meeting people here.
I also don’t like going out here as there are plenty of people who were pricks to me in school still around and no doubt they are bigger pricks and also have beards now. I feel like people are judging me here “oh, there’s the weirdo we haven’t seen in 4 years” “do you ever go anywhere” blah blah etc.
When I was in London it was like a new beginning, I felt free, there was no need to worry about people asking “What are you doing now?” “do you have a job?” “are you going to college?”. I feel restricted here and I wish I could move from my shitty rural village and move into central London. Sadly, I do not currently have a job so this is not possible.
I will work hard on writing jokes for my stand-up in late November and I will continue trying to look for a job. I have recently been offered an exciting opportunity but I don’t know if I’ll be able to go because I need a passport very soon (to prove I’m eligible to work in the UK). I am having difficulty getting one as I do not have any photo ID, what with being an oddball recluse for the past four years, I have no student ID or driver’s licence, utility bills etc.
I am quite sad at the moment but hopefully this will pass soon. I know that I will return to London to stay, one day - hopefully soon.